Friday, December 17, 2010

Comment on the Zadroga Bill

While I watched The Daily Show, tonight, an absurdity struck me. It was not, however, Jon Stewart’s usual juxtaposition of distinctly crude humor—to which I am profoundly indifferent, as a genre—with incisive political satire. No, tonight’s small slice of bizarre, cosmic recognition involved recall of a news program I had watched earlier, on MSNBC, The Ed Show with Ed Schultz, a stocky, folksy Midwestern pundit and avowed proponent of the middle class. Stewart, an entertainer, a self-proclaimed “funny-man,” had a sit down panel to discuss the failed Zadroga Bill with four ill, possibly terminally ill, first responders to the terrorists attacks of September 11th, 2001. Mr. Schultz entertained a tall, bird-like woman with dark hair, one of his most frequent guests, to harp on whether or not Bristol Palin’s performance on Dancing With the Stars had been tainted by Tea Party Conspiracy. I do not remember which of Mr. Schultz’s cavalcade of irritating female comics this was. If it was Lizz Winstead, one of the co-creators of Jon Stewart’s Daily Show, then I suppose the situation’s basic surreality was heightened, some, but when saturation in the ludicrous becomes opaque enough to obscure the reality of what one experiences then a little more doesn’t matter, one way or the other.

Stewart interviewed four men, each of whom dug through the rubble after al-Qaeda’s attack on America. Kenny Speck, a veteran of the Fire Department of New York, struggles with heart and lung problems. Bruce Fowlman, of the New York Police Department, is afflicted by heart, lung and brain problems, and is unable to get the health care he needs and deserves. Ken George, of the Department of Transportation, has debilitating heart and back conditions and John Devlin, an operating engineer, is dying of stage four throat cancer. Another of their friends, mentioned by Mr. Speck, is dying of facial cancer, a condition so horrific that it has cause the very nose to rot off of his face. These men, and so many more like them, men who sacrificed their health and lives to protect others, are the men who are hurt by the political wrangling over tax cuts which has enmeshed the Zadroga Bill, named for another civil servant who has already died of illnesses connected to September 11th.

Our culture, like these men, has been wounded unto the point of death. We are unable, anymore, to distinguish between fantasy and reality, between what is really important and what is nothing more than smoke and mirrors used to cloud our collective judgment, making us unable to make the moral choices which develop our finely tuned humanity. Our culture has become, as T.S. Eliot put it so eloquently in The Waste Land, “a heap of broken images.” There seem to be very few hermeneutic methods available for discerning what is essential and what is worthless, and even less impetus towards developing those methods. We divide ourselves into tribes of howling barbarians based on allegiances to celebrities—Jay Leno or Conan O’Brien, the New York Giants or the Green Bay Packers, Taylor Swift or Kanye West, Fox News or MSNBC, Sarah Palin or Kate Goesselin—and long for nothing more than ascent, god-like, into the ranks of celebrity ourselves where we might become, even if for just one instant of humiliation in thin tabloid pages, a scintillating being like the Lady Gaga we see, parading down a runway wrapped in bloody meat. Empathy and authenticity are devalued in place of simple visibility and rank notoriety. Worth is determined by your hit counter and your twitter list.

This mood has invaded our political process to an alarming degree. Politicians do not govern, but simply exist in a state of constant campaign theatre. Like sharks, they must continuously swim to survive. Each action is a piece of stage magic, calculated to provoke a response. The Zadroga Bill was caught up in this sort of political maneuvering, and these heroic, dying civil servants have been sacrificed on the altar of political celebrity. I watched Mitch McConnell, supposedly a public servant himself, moan tearfully about a retiring fellow Senator, his thoughts nowhere close to those whom he and his ilk proclaim as “American heroes.” Those on the other side, who promised to close Guantanamo Bay and other places like it, are no more worthwhile when it comes to human rights, and hundreds of men—many of them nothing more than frightened goat-herders guilty of nothing more than angering the wrong neighbor—languish in black sites.

I do not wish to appear partisan in these criticisms. Both the Democratic and Republican parties are, by and large, owned by the same corporations. Although one party appears to have a deeper commitment to empathy and the all important social justice it engenders, this commitment is a surface level phenomenon only. The Democrats, for whom I am ashamed to have voted in 2004, 2006, 2008 and 2010, are a peculiar species of gutless worm man, slithering from inoffensive position to inoffensive position, a slave to the political theatre provided each and every identity and interest group imaginable. The Republicans are nothing more than hypocritical hobgoblins and worthy of no more comment than that, save that they gleefully played with the political theatre provided by the terror attacks of September 11th when it was useful to them, and have proven unwilling to pay for the privilege.

I would presume to finish this comment by saying, to all, “good night, and good luck,” in an echo of Edward R. Murrow, but America deserves neither restful sleep nor providence, although I fervently hope we are provided with both. We have earned, through our action and inaction, societal damnation and, in all likelihood, are preparing to reap what we have sewn.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Basic updates 1

Been a busy week, which has kept me from writing here much... or at all. On the other hand, I have written about twenty pages for my first classes as a graduate student, and am waiting for the grades on the first of those essays that I have turned in. Hopefully they won't turn out too badly; I did work pretty hard on them, after all. Some news and notes, though, just in general:

1: I love writing for my hermeneutics and New Testament historiography class. The work is fascinating and I absolutely love learning more about Jewish culture and religion.

2: I am excited for TNA picking up two new women, Kat Waters and Christina Von Eerie. Hopefully this means we'll see these two ladies and my favorite wrestler, Daffney, in a program , and that TNA has realized that dark, pale and tattooed is just as beautiful as tall, tanned and blond.

3: I am pissed off all over the place about Serena Deeb getting released form WWE. She seemed like a nice lady and is a greally great wrestler, and has seemingly been released for basically NOTHING. It just makes me wonder who she refused to sleep with, especially since Batista isn't there anymore. They used to treat the whole Divas division like his personal brothel.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

WWE NXT 2: Go Kaval!

So, Kaval got a chance to show off his freestyle rap skill tonight. He doesn't have quite the "flow" that Lord William Regal has (who does?) but he managed to rip everyone else on the NXT roster to shreds and to subtly plug TNA, the company which gave him his first big break back in 2002/2003. A little bit later, in a match against Husky Harris, Kaval amazed again with some of the stiffest kicks that I've ever seen in a wrestling match and a really, really brutal looking Warrior's Way off the top rope, and when Layla closes her eyes she hears his voice (!). I was disappointed to see the old school brute Husky cast aside in favor of Miz Jr., but it's good to see Kaval getting the recognition he deserves.

In other news, given Linda McMahon's recent remarks on Lance Cade I will not be purchasing anymore WWE pay per views or financially supporting them in any ways. I will give my support to Ring of Honor and TNA, companies which at least sort of treat their workers like human beings.

Monday, August 16, 2010

WWE Summerslam

Heck of a Pay per view tonight! I'm normally not a huge fan of WWE, especially since the release of Mickie James and the necktie debacle which lead to the (temporary) release of Bryan Danielson, but the show as a whole was pretty good tonight. Melina looked like an absolute dream of an Aztec sun goddess, and her absolutely wonderful shriek (I adore lady wrestlers that scream) echoed throughout the arena. I was afraid that her knee had buckled during the match, and she may end up needing to work a slower, more methodical style, but she in general looked great and dominated Alicia Fox totally.

The night's big story, however, was the American Dragon's return. Here is your proof, naysayers, that a small man without an obvious gimmick (like a luchador) can 1) get pops in a big arena and 2) absolutely, totally and completely dominate the ring with his pure intensity. Okay, I'll admit it... I kind of giggled when Danielson stomped to the ring looking like this very, very angry Hobbit, but then he got in there and absolutely kicked the crap out of Darren Young and tangled him up in a seriously vicious looking submission hold. The whole match looked good (even grandpa Marvin Marsh, aka Bret Hart) but the highlights were Danielson's total mastery of the ring and Skip's total domination of Morrison and Truth. I may write more later when I am not so 'wow!' but, well, this is just proof that WWE can still surprise me and make me excited, and I'm glad about that.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Joshi 11: TNA Xplosion, Daffney vs. Hamada

This match makes me, along with many other fans of women's wrestling, wonder why TNA Xplosion is a B-show, relegated to the United Kingdom and the internet and why, oh why, we only ever get matches involving the Beautiful People and Angelina Love on TNA Impact on Thursday nights. A short list of things I noted about the match:

1. They need to turn Taylor Wilde heel, like, yesterday. The girl cannot cut a face promo to save her life, and continually comes off as an unlikable little drip anytime she gets near a microphone and opens her mouth. From mocking Daffney a few weeks ago before their match, to her little 'talk to the hand' moments when discussing her feud with Sarita tonight, this girl was made to be a jerk. Funny thing is, too, that she doesn't really come off like that at all, in other venues like her twitter, but she seems like such a naturally snarky little machine on camera that I can't believe they don't run with that a little bit.

2. Daffney is hilarious. Her character work is almost perfect... the slurry voice, the sort of vague expression and the sense of 'wow, I really am a total psychopath... and I'm really happy with it!' make her totally engaging. I've been a fan of hers for years, since WCW, and don't even mind when I don't get a tweet back cause she gets so many and has had so many knocks on the head, and just don't understand why TNA won't push this girl to the moon as a manager, mouthpiece, wrestler... something. Her new teeny top hat and dress combo was nice, too... the blue, black, her very pale skin and her eye make-up mesh together and give her a sort of ethereal, unearthly look.

3. The match itself was good. Hamada looks as stiff as heck--how can somebody that adorable be that vicious?!?!--and Daffney sells like a champion. I really don't get why some reviewers said this was a terrible match, and am convinced that they are just somewhat prejudiced against women's wrestling or, perhaps, just don't watch the matches and grumble about them anyway.

4. Taz sounded drunk, like he usually does. He does a good job of selling the girls like they're made out of gold, but some of his lines are real groaners (and/or oinkers... I mean, jeez, dude). Although I will always love him for giving us the 'Zombie Hot' moniker, he often just sounds dumb. Don West wasn't much better, though, and either is miles better than most of what we get in WWE, so I won't complain too much.

5. Post match brawl was a little weak, due to time constraints, but I'd love it if this set up a little feud.

Friday, August 13, 2010

American Joshi 11: Why Daffney is more awesome than awesome.

1. She's one of the two best screamers in wrestling, and is the original Scream Queen. MsChif has a rawer, throatier shriek, but Daffney can go higher and has better vocal control.

2. Her finishers, the Lobotomy and the Daff-knees, look legitimately painful but she never botches them and makes me think she's killed some poor girl.

3. She may fall down, go boom and hit her head, but in a couple of week's Daff always struts back to the ring and shrieks her little lungs out.

4. I'm not normally into girls with tattoos--the blue tends to look dingy--but Daff's green, red and yellow ink is incredibly vibrant against that lovely, porcelain pale skin.

5. One of her newest tattoos, in fact, is a little Ganesha.

6. She's a Southern home girl, from Atlanta, GA (and Cybil,TX), got her start in WCW and currently works in TNA, both of them Southern promotions.

7. She was something interesting to watch in WCW in 1999 and 2000.

8. She seems like a sweet, genuine, funny, goofy chick and has a good creative mind for wrestling character development.

9. She wears tiny top hats.

10. She took the drop onto the tacks and had to get twenty tacks dug out of her head.

11. She can have convincing chemistry with anyone, including the delightfully large-headed blond Canadian midget Taylor Wilde and a hibachi grill.

12. "I'm a boogeeeeeeeeer!"

13. She's a better Sarah Palin than Sarah Palin.

14. Pale, quirky brunettes have got it going on.

15. She has the most wonderful, underrated promos in wrestling.

16. She's zombie hot and/or a pale, sadistic tomato what screams a lot.

17. She makes a creepy, pink shark mask kinda cute.

18. "Santa's gonna knock you out! Santa's gonna knock you out! Santa's gonna knock you out! Santa's gonna knock you out! Huh!"

Thursday, August 12, 2010

School Stuff 2: Began reading today

Today I started reading on the history of the early church and on the historiography of the New Testament, as part of my first semester as a seminarian. I am very excited about both of these subjects and am already learning a lot. The most interesting aspect I have learned from the church history book is about the three different strands of early Christianity... a heavily Jewish sect centered itself in Jerusalem (which followed circumcision of the flesh), a strand which blended Jewish prophecy/law and Greek moral philosophy arose under Paul in Antioch in Syria (which followed circumcision of the spirit) and a third, more mystical strand arose in Ephesus, dedicated to the beautiful, esoteric Johannine writings (and which, like the Antiochan school, followed the circumcision of the spirit). This area, in Ephesus, was also where it is believed that Mary (mother of Jesus) died, and is where the first Marian cults arose and gained prominent in AD 600 or so. The Council of Ephesus, held in this area, is where it was promulgated that Mary was the 'Mother of God,' a decision which both promoted the divinity of Jesus and their own particular patron. Ephesus was also an area associated with Artemis, a pagan goddess associated with virginity and childbirth, and this could help to explain why a Marian emphasis arose in this area.

I also did a great deal of reading, tonight, on how the New Tesament developed as a canon over the years. Most interesting, probably, were the rigidly defined, medieval "levels of interpretation." One was supposed to read the book first literally, then tropologically, then morally and then analogically. In direct opposition to this was the Renaissance interpretation, which came from the Northern European Christian humanists like Erasmus, which held that the the other interpretations would flow out of the literal interpretation rather than existing as discrete entities. This reading also revealed a long tradition of critical theological reading which belies the notional that critical readings of the New Testament are a recent phenomenon. I look forward to reading more tomorrow!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

WWE NXT 2: I'm beginning to think this thing is rigged O.o

Okay, WWE NXT, could we at least pretend that what we're doing is on the level, here? We know that you have a strange, sick fascination with Joe Hennig... my sister does too, even though he is about as interesting as an episode of Wrestlicious: Takedown. Your fascination with Alex "Reggie" Riley is more understandable--I like the guy, too... he's entertaining--but your dedication to denigrating men who've already proven themselves as wrestlers and gotten pretty darned over in spite of your attempts to bury them is grating. There is no way that Low-Ki's kick would have been weaker than Alex Riley's punch... the quadriceps and posterior chain are so much more powerful than the arms and shoulders, even with added torque from the lats, that it makes the whole thing look vaguely ridiculous.

Anyway, it's good to watch Kaval and Husky Harris fighting each other here... again... tonight. Maybe Kaval will finally get a pin against this big boob, as this interactions have become a little bit tepid considering the poor little Dragon Ball Z character hasn't gotten to win a match in almost forever, and I can't really get excited over him getting clobbered again and again and again and again. Oh well... he got to kiss Layla, my precious little English muffin, last week, and that makes him a winner in an entirely different and more impressive arena!

Monday, August 9, 2010

American Joshi 10: Melina is back! Yay!

Melina Perez has returned to the ring tonight, against the little toasted white girl Alicia Fox, and had the California crowd pretty much eating out of her little hand. Me too, as a matter of fact. With her inky black hair, fiery Latin temper, and the fact that she can be best described by the word "bendy," Melina is one of my favorite ladies in WWE, and I'm overjoyed that she has returned from her injury whole and better than ever.

The match was intense and stiff. The crowed was fully on Melina's side, even rudely chanting "you can't wrestle," at Alicia Fox a few times. I mean it's probably true... she doesn't really have any talent, but it's just not the kind of thing a polite person would point out, you know? Anyway, after exchanging lots of very rough spots, Melina won with her weird looking, flippy, sunset power bomb, the Primal Scream. After a nice loud shriek--the third best in wrestling, behind Your Soul's Tormentor and the Scream Queen herself--the match was over and the RAW women's division was one step closer to respectable... which is one step closer than Wrestlicious wil ever be.

Wrestlicious TakeDown Episode 3: I. Cannot. Watch. This.

Okay, so I finally decided to give the little upstart wrestling promotion, Wrestlicious, a chance. This project, started by lottery winner Jon Vargas, is an all women's promotion with a less violent outlook than the ChickFight tournament, less serious than SHIMMER Women Athletes and less, well, frankly insane (and awesome!) than Women Superstars Uncensored. Wrestlicious is a light hearted mixture of wrestling and sketch comedy. Now, after hearing this, I go in already a little bit nervous, but it could be cute and the episode I'm watching features Daffney, so I figure, what the hell, right? It can't actually be physically painful to watch, right?

I was wrong.

After the first couple of sketches (involving some woman named Leyla Milani, Jimmy Hart, of all people, and Madison Rayne), I decided to not totally ignore the building pain in my head and fast forward to the main event, a tag team match between Ghouls Gone Wild and Lacey von Erich and Madison Rayne. I mean, it's got Daffney in it, playing the role of 'Draculetta.' I mean, I've loved Daffney since she was bouncing around, giggling and screaming on WCW. The girl can act, and she brings a weird dignity to the silliest roles, like Shark Girl and a fake Sarah Palin. Heck, the original Daffney character was pretty ludicrous (anyone marking for David Flair is), and she has only recently developed the kind of complex, multifacted character you can really sink your teeth into (and boy howdy has she) in TNA. But, here nor there, this chick can make hopping up and down and chanting, 'Santa's gonna knock you out!' somewhat compelling, so I figure that this match can't be too bad.

I was wrong.

Not even the astoundingly awesome Daffney, who plays Draculetta to the absolute hilt (and the pretty cool Madison Rayne and the... well, she's trying, Lacey von Erich), can salvage this match. It's a mistimed disaster and poor Daffney/Draculetta--who is usually very athletic, for a pure brawler--seems to keep getting tangled up in the long, maroon dress in which they've inexplicably mired her. I fast forward to the end, watch Lacey go over, and say goodnight. Far from not causing me physical pain, this episode has caused me to have a heart attack, three strokes, diabetes and cancer of the kneecaps, all in twenty minutes. Since this episode was such an epic fail, in my opinion, and is the only one featuring my goofy, slightly countrified Gothic Goddess, I probably won't watch another. Maybe it'll improve?

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Men and Ladies on the Internet 3: Good Advice from a smart fellow

As a big fan of SHIMMER Women Athletes I was, yesterday, spending some time at the website of fellow SHIMMER fan, John Hyperion. His blog is really good, and he dedicates a lot of time to reviewing SHIMMER matches, feuds and angles in depth, so I'd suggest hopping over to check it out, if you ever get the chance, and if you like what he says (and if you trust me about what is downright awesome) then mosey right on over to the SHIMMER site and buy yourself a couple of DVDs. John is also a fellow commenter on the awesome Sara Del Rey blog and offers some really great advice on his blog for fellow fans of American joshi.

His advice, basically, boils down to his first point: don't be weird and perverted. When you look at Taylor Wilde, do you just see a hot chick, or do you see a slightly large-headed, rather nerdy Canadian with awesome technical wrestling skills? When you see Daffney, is it just a hot, somewhat Goth chick, or is it a goofy, funny, genuinely nice (and insanely profane) girl from Atlanta (as an ODF gotta holler at a GA home girl, there), with some of the best promo skills in the business today? Is Sara just a statuesque Amazon, or is she the dreaded Death Rey, master of the Royal Butterfly Suplex (that move looks badass)? I'm not trying to say that these women are not completely beautiful, because all three of them are, but you lose so much when you look at a woman--any woman, famous-ish or not--as a prop instead of a person. I know that the Internet's dominant philosophy, Objectivism, which proclaims that Ayn Rand is God and Rorschach is her prophet, sort of lends itself to this kind of thing, but you should feel some kind of moral compass inside telling you that it's not right, whether you're interacting with one of these young workers or with Rebekah the Pretty Barista from Barnes and Nobles. Don't be that guy.

I was also going to include a ramble (another ramble) about the posters at a particular message board and their treatment of Amy "Lita" Dumas, but it seems that the thread in question has disappeared. It had plenty of great examples of the kind of stuff that Mr. Hyperion is talking about--and also some great, if misguided, snaps back by the original poster who is getting to work with Miss Dumas in a professional sense, right now. Such a great opportunity to make a point and all wasted, now! Alas!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Injury 2 and Class Schedule: Another thing I cannot do...

Okay, so tonight, after having sat still for a good portion of the day (I was doing my best, honestly... I want this knee to heal up!) I decided to go out and exercise a little bit. I did bench press yesterday, topping out at a 405 pound triple, and incline bench press topping out at 345, and so I thought that punching a freaking punching bag, which mostly just involves swinging your little fists, would be okay, too, and maybe give me some nice cardio work. It turns out, though, that there's a certain amount of torsion in your legs, when you punch, and now my hamstring is absolutely screaming at me. Looks like I'm just going to go back to bench pressing/incline benching and doing chest supported rows on alternating days, for a while, until this thing sorts itself out completely.

On the other hand, I'm super happy that I've got my class schedule worked out for my first two quarters! I'm taking Church History I and II, New Testament Literary Orientation I and II and hermeneutics (my absolute favorite subjects). I ordered my books today, for a whopping (not really) 426 dollars, and can't wait for them to get here next week so I can get into them. Hopefully I haven't lost all of my ability to write, since I've a good bit of that to do!

ETA: I'm also planning on doing another lengthy ramble about masculinity, epic failures and (God help us all) Mark Madden in the next couple of days.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Joshi 9: Go Hamada! Go Taylor!

After a long-ish (for Impact, anyway) , hard fought match, Hamada-san and Taylor Wilde are the new TNA Knockouts tag-team champions! This match was excellent and Hamada-san's in ring skills are just as good as they were the last time I saw her on TNA TV what... six months ago? Seven? Gosh, it's been a while. I've really missed that fierce little apple cheeked Japanese queen of the ring. My only complaint tonight is that we didn't see her vicious Michinoku driver variation, the Hama-chan driver, but Taylor's German suplex always looks pretty good, and I'm glad to see new and different things happening in the Knockouts division. The only thing really missing is Daffney... I haven't seen her on Impact in several weeks! We need a tiny top hat infusion, STAT!

The Beautiful People segment tonight was good, too. Poor Lacey! She's just trying to be sweet and helpful, but forgot the important lesson that you should never, never, never get between two girls having a cat-fight over 1) a man or 2) a piece of jewelry. Considering TBP view the KO belts as big, shiny hunks of gold jewelry... well... you can see where the might lead to tragedy. I did like seeing Vel Vel run over to aid/comfort her after she got flattened, though, and am looking forward to seeing where this storyline might go in the near future.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

School Stuff 1: What am I going to do?

Okay, as of this morning, I had planned to return to my alma mater to obtain a teaching certification... actually two of them, in history and physical education. Unfortunately, without telling me, things have changed, and now alumni have to reapply before taking more classes. Because, obviously, my qualifications have changed since LAST FREAKING NIGHT, and they won't be able to let me in until January. Which, dumb blond on the phone, is winter, not spring. Sigh.

Anyway, I now have to decide if I'm going to go to the Southern Theological Seminary, which I could register to right now, or American Public University, which I would have to wait a couple of days to register to, if they let me back in. I'm probably going to go with the seminary option, as it's a slightly more prestigious school and a more focused, professional degree. The whole situation is downright irritating, though!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Strength and Deconditioning 10: Oh God my freaking leg...

Okay, last night I got injured in a fairly embarrassing way. As I was walking out to the gym to do my squat workout--which was gonna be big and huge and epic, like, you know, around 455 at the end! maybe 475!--I slipped on a wet patch of grass and went arse over heels. My left leg was thrown out and hyper-extended pretty awfully. I heard a kind of a ripping noise, and found myself unable to pull myself to my feet for a few moments.

Hoping that it was just a little twinge, or something, I hobbled to the gym, after I had gotten to my feet, and tried to squat my warm-up, to see if I could handle it. Only 225, basically little baby weight. I mean, ladies and gents, I do my high rep rows with 225. It was so heavy, as I was going down, that I couldn't imagine all the forces of gravity pulling on me any harder. I rolled the weight over my head and dumped it. After managing to put my glasses back together, and to somehow dead lift the 225 one handed and one legged back onto my rack, I crawled to the house and collapsed. Not the most pleasant night, you understand.

So, now, for a couple of weeks it looks like I'm going to be a 'bench press only' athlete. As my hamstring, which I think is torn a little bit, heals, I'll work dead lifts and, eventually, squats back into my programming. Hopefully it won't take too long... I hate sitting still!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Joshi 8: What a hell of a match!

I feel weird and uncomfortable saying this, but WWE RAW actually featured quite an excellent match tonight on the ladies side of things! The only problem with it came near the end, but that'll come after all the good stuff that I have to say.

Between Gail Kim, Nattie Neidhart and Jillian, I'd say that these Diva chicks need to get on out of the ring before they get hurt. Nattie showed a lot of great, dominant strength and--even though she tragically had to take the pin fall from Alicia Fox--she looked like a queen among women. Gail Kim took the sickest bump of the week against a ring post, and I hope she's okay, but that said something about the absolutely toughness of that young lady. Of course, I shouldn't be too surprised... she was able to hang with freaking Christian Cage back during their days in TNA, together.

The segments best moment, though, came at the very end. While Alicia was bragging about how she dominated everyone, and could beat everyone (although... she doesn't seem to have beaten Michelle McCool or my English muffin, Layla, yet, but whatever), Melina returned to a gigantic pop, disproving the idea that no woman can get over these days, and flattened Alicia with a Primal Scream. We've missed you Meilna, and we're so happy that you're whole and healthy!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Strength and deconditioning 9: To gear or not to gear

Something that I have wondered about for a few months now is the place of gear in power lifting competition. I began by thinking that the use of gear--any gear!--was cheating and that no lift accomplished with the aid of anything more supportive than a particularly tight pair of gym shorts should count for towards your personal record. These opinions were held before I started doing any serious max work, this summer. The first time I squatted 525, benched 405 and pulled 455 on the same day... I felt all my joints just crinkle up, like off brand french fries, and my central nervous system sizzle like a cheap steak. I had to go home and lie for basically three days to recover. I was suffering from a great level of deep muscle fatigue and nervous exhaustion. I can only imagine how awful it is for men who are attempting to pull, push or squat twice that amount. If that was attempted without some supportive gear, even just wraps, I can imagine that exhaustion and missing the lift would be a best case scenario; total joint failure and a loud ripping noise seems more likely.

I am still not a fan of the more elaborate set ups. One does not seem to need a suit of armor made out of vulcanized rubber for squatting and dead lifting, and one certainly doesn't need an extra layer or two of pectoral muscle for bench pressing. This is sort of sneaky and gives an unfair advantage over lifters who don't use that kind of equipment; there are many power lifting federations which don't even allow double-ply equipment. I am a strong believer in taking care of your joints, however, and may even buy a Z-suit, elbow wraps and knee wraps in the future, to make sure that I don't suffer any injury to body parts where I am prone to it.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Men and Ladies on the Internet 2: Formspring what the hell, now?

There are a huge number of social networking sites on the Internet, these days. Facebook is probably the most popular, now--it has absolutely exploded ever since it was opened up to the general public, and has become almost as annoying as its predecessor, myspace. Livejournal is a great place for the emo among us (if you want a great example check out CM Punk's old lj) and Deviant Art, too, is as much of a dramatic whinescape as it is a place to showcase your World of Warcraft fan-art. Twitter is a lot of fun--and a good way to engage with people in snips and snaps, although not as much as their blogs because it doesn't allow invested discussion--and I like to use it to network with people who share my interest in women's wrestling, both as appreciators and performers.

This networking has led me to an experience with a new website, called Formspring.me. One of the best current performers in female wrestling is the totally amazing Death Rey, Sara Del Rey. Although until recently I had only seen her in a match or two on ROH on HDNet, mostly hanging around with Castagnoli and Chris Hero, and as part of the Four Corners match on the SHIMMER Vol. 2 main event, I became very impressed with Death Rey's blog and twitter feed. Through a little bit of interaction with her, about whey, wheat and hemp protein, I have decided that SDR is a seriously cool chick. I was inspired to look up some of her other matches, considered classics by American joshi fans, and was impressed with those, too, and plan to attend any shows which she works that are within a reasonable geographic distance to my home base.

Most of the questions on her formspring are pretty normal. They are about gossipy stuff, about wrestling matches she likes and/or about music and tv. Some are more personal but understandable, about who she might be dating. Some are... simply incomprehensible or not questions at all. A wide variety of them, however, are crude queries about bra and panties matches and nude photo-shoots. The whole situation seems to be making Death Rey, even a girl as tough as Death Rey, somewhat uncomfortable and I would hate to see it make her less willing to interact with those of us who find her awesome and respect her work. I keep asking myself the same questions that I did about the guy who inquired after (name redacted's) worn panties: who are you, why are you, and which the hell rock did you crawl out from under? Perhaps, in my career, I can do something to teach young men that this is not the proper way to approach a fine, foxy lady-person, or maybe I'm just rage, raging against the dying of the light, as Dylan Thomas would say. Either way, I feel like I'm fighting the good fight, somehow, by at least commenting on all this, and so I'll probably keep doing so. Guys like that just bring you down, though, and make you feel really terrible about the future prospects of the species...

ETA: As of this morning, it's good to see kitty's claws popping out a little more.

Women's wrestling 7: English muffin in da house!

Wow... I am absolutely exhausted tonight. I did some really big squats tonight, with my new weights, hitting 3 top sets of 2 with 445, after warming up with 225, 295, 345, 365, 395 and 415. This was followed with a front squat progression, using cross grip because my wrists aren't loose enough to use a clean grip, finishing up at 315. My legs, as you can imagine, are completely blasted and my back feels compressed like a well squeezed accordion.... I mean, honestly, right now you could probably play "I Been Working on the Railroad" on my spine. On the other hand, tonight is my night to watch WWE Smackdown! with my sister, and in spite of Magical Mexican Midgets, CM Punk pitching fits (the M is for Man-whore) and the fairly incoherent ramblings of Kane, PI, Smackdown allows me to see Captain Charisma, Christian Cage, do his thing (which he did big time against Drew McIntyre and his lisp AND in diabetes, tonight) and, of course, and most wonderfully, the most amazing person in WWE, my darling little English muffin... LAYLA!

Tonight my utterly precious (and slightly annoying) dearest is supposed to be facing Tiffany. Tiffany has a pretty smile and (I've seen em in person twice and, yeah, no kidding) a pair of the best legs in history, so this match oughta be pretty. But wait! But hark! According to Vickie Guerrero, the Women's Championship belt will be defended, tonight, by my Layla's BFF, Michelle McCool! What a tragedy! This is not to be countenanced! Eh, oh well, whatever... it's not a bad match, and Michelle is a really good wrestler, and Layla is still hopping around and fussing adorably, so it's not like we're missing the really good parts of a Layla match (minus her selling) or anything, right? Tiffany has impressed me so much with her development in the past few months, too, since the end of the ECW brand. She started as an absolutely terrible wrestler, and now she's actually developed into something of a powerhouse. I like her very strong, physical style and look forward to seeing more of her (and her legs) in the future!

Friday, July 30, 2010

TNA Impact 2: ECW reunion and Lacey is adorable

Okay, first things first... Sarita is downright awesome in the ring. She can move more crisply and brings more authority with her rolls and strikes than 95% of the male roster. I like her new outfit, too, and not just because--like Uncle Angelo--I'm a butt man (although... wow), but because it shows off her beautiful, dusky skin tone so well, and actually reminds us that Sarita is an Aztec princess and, yeah, we ought to pretty much be worshiping her. The match was pretty good and, although I'm not really an Angelina Love fan, I don't mind everybody being fed to her (I might as well not...) if it's not being done in matches that last 2 minutes, like what happened to poor Daffney a couple of weeks ago. It's good to see Sarita getting some screen time--especially in that outfit--and with a promised Hamada/Daffney showdown on Xplosion in a couple of weeks I can see wonderful things coming from the Knockouts division in the near future. Also... how freaking adorable is Lacey Von Erich? I didn't have that much love for her when I first started watching TNA, but as this storyline has developed I've really started getting into her sweet, very naive, gentle character. More of this Lacey, please! I adore her!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Men and Ladies 1: Seems like there's not enough hours in the day...

If people were raping each other as frequently as Melissa McEwan, of the fairly radical feminist blog Shakesville, seems to believe, one hardly believes there would be enough hours in the day to carry out such basic human functions as eating, sleeping, breathing, maintaining atomic cohesion... you know, those kinds of luxuries. If the world truly was as Ms. McEwan sees it (well, I shouldn't say that... according to theoretical physics the world is exactly as she sees it... but only to her) mankind would simple wander through life, ramming prick first into anything that didn't move out of the way quickly enough. There would be no pyramids, no poetry... nothing, nothing but constant, violent sex. Well, some people do go through life like that--most of the ones I've encountered are either crunkcore kids or belong to fraternities--but most of us, I like to think, strive for something a little bit more. Or, at least, we simply don't have the kind of energy to maintain the level of malevolence that this lady-person seems to credit the human male with. Life is hard enough without tying Penelope Pitstop to a railroad track and twirling your mustache while laughing evilly, isn't it? I don't mean to suggest that Ms. McEwan doesn't have a personal experience with this sort of thing (she tells us about it ad nauseum, with very little provocation, and it does give her an agenda, which she carries out noisily), or that terrible people don't do terrible things (they certainly do!), but most people are neither noble nor terrible.

I used to take blogs like Shakesville and Pandagon more seriously than I do now. It lead to a fairly nightmarish few months where I attempted to navigate a world--as a fairly massive, imposing 300 pounds of bone and muscle--where I had begun to believe that every female-type person that I might find desirable was looking at me and thinking, "Ew, look at that scary, gross sex criminal!" I probably caused some offense, during these few months, by demurring away from and blowing off girls who were friendly--and may have even been interested in going out with me!--out of fear that I was bothering them. Even during walks around campus and stuff, I would sometimes avert my eyes to avoid striking people with my "Gaze," as some of the feminist type people say. It caused me constant anxiety attacks, and these left me totally drained of energy and even made me kind of depressed. Well, maybe not depressed so much as just exhausted and frustrated. As you can imagine, I didn't get a whole lot of dates during this period. None, actually. I don't even think B. and I went out any during these few months, and we were supposed to be in a relationship, as our facebook statuses said (but that's a different story for a different time). I feel somewhat differently now, and look at these blogs and those that post and comment on them with a mixture of irritation and pity. I'm not afraid to talk to people, anymore, and am much happier. My facebook isn't in a relationship, now, but I'm able to communicate and make friends and go on dates. I haven't offensively Gazed at anyone, and no one has offensively Gazed back. I just try to 'be friendly,' as Adam the Minstrel would say, much like the advice I gave a few posts back. You know how to be friendly, don't you?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Joshi 6: Toyota-San and the Japanese Ocean Suplex for the win

The incomparable joshi Manami Toyota hits the Japanese Ocean throw on the much larger Aja Kong. Ignore the comments below the video by dipsticks who've never bumped in their lives (I have during folkstyle and Greco matches, on a regulation mat in practice and competition; suplexes/suplays hurt and that trajectory can't be faked) and just concentrate on the amazing grace with which Toyota-San arches; it's like poetry in motion.

I post this today because, according Sara Del Rey's blog, Toyota-San will be appearing with Chikara soon! I agree with SDR on this; if you love joshi, especially, you must be there. I'd ride a donkey if I had to! Or walk. Or let the donkey ride me. I don't care; Toyota-San is just that impressive!

Monday, July 26, 2010

WWE RAW 1: NXT Rodeo

Watching WWE RAW, tonight, with my sister. WWE isn't my favorite wrestling organization--God help me I love TNA, just like I used to love WCW--and doesn't even make the best wrestling video games (Fire Pro Wrestling Returns and gratuitous Engrish for the win!) but some of their workers are pretty entertaining and their production values cannot be denied. Jericho promos are always exciting, and tonight we got a really good one against John Cena (complete, really awesomely, with a classic "Y2J!" chant), it's good to see Mark Henry doing big, strong guy things (like hoisting the 278 pound Skip Sheffield above his head like he didn't weigh anything more than a loaf of bread) and I'll never complain about seeing either of the Bella girls on my tv. Yeah, they're models--instead of wrestlers, proper--and I'm not sure either of them speaks a recognized human language (they seem to mostly coo at each other and the former RAW guest hosts), but Brie and Nikki are absolutely lovely, dusky Latinas, and I will always and forever go melty for long, dark hair in which I could tangle my fingers and big, shimmering ink drop eyes. And to have that in duplicate? It's like dying and going to heaven!

Anyway, the big story, I guess, was the Summer Slam preview match, seven on seven, Nexus vs Raw superstars. It wasn't any surprise seeing Dustin Runnels and Yoshi Tatsu getting manhandled--they're pretty much low card guys, right now, although I had thought Yoshi might be getting a nifty push right there at the end of ECW on SyFy--and Jerry Lawler is north of sixty years old, making him not particularly an impressive bring down. I was impressed, however, at seeing Mark Henry, Evan Bourne and the Hart Dynasty going down in front of Nexus, and especially at Skip Sheffield (aka the Silverback, or as I like to call him the NXTape) powering over Mark Henry like a steam roller. I'm glad that WWE is dedicated enough to this storyline to show NXT members actually working guys over in proper matches, not just in random attacks. Hopefully they can keep it fresh even after Summer Slam and maybe get a bi more mileage out of it.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Strength and Deconditioning 8: Clean and jerk

Today was clean and jerk day on my workout schedule, my first in a couple of weeks. I like to do different things, instead of just keeping to the three power lifts and support exercises that are "approved" by one protocol, HIT or Westside or whatever, and the Olympic lifts, clean and jerk and snatch, are two of the best overall body conditioners available. There is something raw, primal and satisfying about ripping a barbell off the floor, racking it, and then hurling it over your head. There is no room for cheating. The lift is black and white, and there is no supportive gear that you can wear, except maybe lifting straps or knee wraps or something; you will fail or you will succeed based largely on your own merits. Whenever I do the clean and jerk I can literally feel my trapezius and quadriceps growing in response to the stresses put on them; the jerk phase feels so good on my calves, shoulders (much better than military press) and my lower back and abdominal wall. The only issue with this lift is that the potential for failure is absolutely epic. If you feel yourself losing the bar, then lose it. It could cause damage to the bar, but that's better than breaking both your shin bones, eh? I suggest either having rubber bumper plates--which are insanely expensive--a padded lifting platform, which is what I use, when you do the clean and jerk. For inspiration, here is Hossein Rezazadeh (SHW, Iran) performing the heaviest clean and jerk on Olympic record. For further inspiration, her is a really cute girl doing a somewhat (heh) smaller C&J.

So go, ye children, in peace to the gym and start cleaning!

Strength and deconditioning 7: Getting strong

I have coached a few people, in the weight room, when I have worked out in public places. This is one of the hazards of working out while very strong. People see you loading four or more plates onto any given bar, and they just sort of assume you have a duty to the public to help them work out. Maybe you do... I don't know. I do know that I don't mind helping somebody out when that person is dedicated and serious about weight training, about getting stronger. One of the best students I ever had, in the weight room, was a tall, thin young man whose leverages were absolutely and utterly wrong for lifting weights. He was able to do a lot of running and to hop around like a tree frog on crack, doing P90X, but wasn't able to bench press, squat or dead lift more than 135. His bench might have been 145; I forget. The point was that he wasn't very strong, in absolute terms, and the program he was doing of four sixes wasn't doing him any favors. I put him on a program of alternating 3x3 and 5x2 workouts (I chose against adding in a cycle of 8-12 singles, due to the fact that I couldn't watch him closely and do my own workouts) and, within a few weeks, his max bench press had leaped to 165! This is a pretty impressive step forward and I was incredibly proud of him. He also made progress on bench press and squat, which are excellent indicators of overall strength.

This is one of the reasons that it confuses me, then, when someone comes up to me in the weight room and says, "I want you to help me, but I don't want to get strong/I don't care about getting strong. Can you help me?" I have to say, after looking at them confused, for a moment, "No, no I don't think I can help you, at all, and furthermore I can't understand you." It's not that I don't get where they're coming from, you know... I understand them intellectually, I guess, I comprehend the words that they're saying, and all, but I just don't get what they want to get if not, you know, stronger. If you don't want to get stronger, then what do you want, to get weaker? Do you want to be weak? Really? Really? If so, then, why? I've had people tell me everything from that they want to get "bigger" to that they want to "lose fat." Well, buckaroo, you can't get big, you can't get really big, without getting strong. You can get a blood pump happening in your muscles, you can develop a certain amount of liquid hypertrophy, but a few hours out of the gym will bring you down to earth, leaving those little swollen guns, of which you were so proud a little while ago, posing in front of the mirror, will be deflated like balloons. If you want to lose fat, well, then, you need to pack on some muscle, which can be accomplished by getting stronger. You might weigh more--muscle ways more than fat, after all--but each pound of muscle will burn four times the amount of calories that a pound of fat will. Your body will literally revolt against fat as you get stronger, stripping it away. Besides, when a person is truly down and out, you don't hear "I want to get buff," or "I want six pack abs." When a man or woman can't walk, or work, or get out of bed, he or she says, "I want to get stronger." That person is at their lowest, back to basics, and that's where the deep work, which feels like it's being done at the cellular level, gets done. Get back there and start building. Get strong. All the other stuff you want will come.

Friday, July 23, 2010

What is a real man? 3: Things to say and/or not say about/to people on the internet

I'm going to grouch a little bit, tonight, I think. Maybe it's because I've been feeling a little sick all day, or because I've been really, really hungry, or because I lifted weights in my gym, which is basically a vinyl box, when the heat index was a little over 100 degrees... although not 113 like it was earlier, today. At any rate, I'm feeling like something of a grouch, so I'm going to grumble a bit more about the way men act towards young ladies--young wrestling workers, since that's who I follow on twitter and interact with some--on the internet.

One, ahem, gentleman on a relatively well known wrestling message board (which is usually readable, well, at least in it's WWE section... it's TNA section is awful) wrote, regarding the TNA Knockouts, "wow I can't tell these bitches apart they all look the same." Really, as the Miz would say, really? Can you really not tell them apart? If we go back a little bit in time, could you not discern ODB--a short, drunk, stocky redneck--from Amazing Kong, a gargantuan woman with dreadlocks and smooth, brown ocher skin from Alissa Flash, a small, well muscled dream girl with long, inky hair and strange eye-makeup? Can you not tell Daffney, a pale, quirky Goth tomato who screams a lot, covered in colorful tattoos, from Hamada, a thickly built, strapping Japanese woman more physically imposing than most of the X-Division? You must be blind, friend.

Or maybe I'm being unfair... I'm bringing into this women who are no longer Knockouts and who were not part of the segment that this fellow was commenting on. Maybe he really couldn't tell Sarita, a sultry Latin brunette, from Angelina love, a tall rocker chick, from Madison Rayne, a ferocious little ferret with a terrible weave, from Taylor Wilde, a large headed blond Canadian midget. Maybe the additions of Lacey von Erich and Vel Vel--who have completely different sizes, builds and bone structures--confused him, or maybe it was the mystery biker woman? Well, the biker woman's helmet and Taylor Wilde's head are of a similar size, so maybe that was it? Heh... sorry... I just cannot resist picking on Taylor; it's one of my fortes.

Anyway, the problem I see in all of this is that a young man who would say this about these young women--about any young women--is that he fails to see them as people. He only experiences these girls as props, something to stimulate his lizard hormonal centers. His gaze, to paraphrase Barbara Kruger, hits the sides of their faces and, not really seeing, doesn't perceive a person; his gaze, his male gaze (see Jaques Lacan and Laura Mulvey) and this, according to thinkers like Hannah Arendt and Martha Craven Nussbaum, is where misogyny, othering and dehumanization begin.

Another issue I'd like to bring up is what I saw on the twitter accounts belonging to Michelle McCool (or would it be Michelle Calloway now? very cool that!) and Miss Layla El (that wonderful little English muffin to all the world): "mslayel

“@McCoolMichelleL: Note to twitterers who hate....it's cool, BUT you're gonna get blocked dropping F bombs....REAL TALK:)” Seriously !!"

Okay, for one thing, to paraphrase Riley Freeman, I don't messes around with ya if ya messes around with Layla, dig? That's one of the cutest chicks in the world, and she seems sweet as she can be, like pie or honey, so how are you going to swear at her on twitter? Michelle has the freaking Undertaker to tape his fists up for her, so I don't feel compelled to say as much, but this is yet another example of people mistreating young women for no reason other than they are bullies, small men by definition, and want to feel bigger. I don't know if the problem is sociological or psycho-sexual, but it doesn't impress anybody when you insult and abuse a girl for a character that she plays... "REAL TALK!" as my dear Flawless Ones would say.

I guess what I'm getting at here, at the bottom of things, is best summed up by John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.

Anonymity yields the opportunity to mouth off without getting your face kicked out the back of your head, Kaval style, and with an audience added it can only lead to disaster. So don't be a GIF, friends and neighbors... listen to Gabriel. He's right. Well, there is a first time for everything, after all, eh?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

TNA Impact 1: I love confused Lacey

Okay, so my girls the Knockouts didn't have a whole lot to do on TNA Impact, tonight, but they did their best to make an impact (haha) with what little time they had. Madison Rayne is really coming into her own as a nasty little heel, and playing Sarita as her compatriot/bodyguard might be really awesome. Sarita is tough as a nut (and cute as a button with her freckles and little upturned nose... how I love me some Sarita!) but isn't a particularly good talker, so putting her with someone who has an... overabundance of personality, I guess is a way to say it... like Madison seems to be a good idea. Velvet has amazing chemistry with Angelina Love--the amount they communicated with their eyes, alone, tonight, was incredible and their little glance at the end was so, so smoky... ho yay, as the good people at Television Without Pity would say, I guess. Lacey von Erich is growing on me each week, especially playing this role as the 'Rose' of the group, a kind-hearted innocent who just wants everybody to get along and be friends, and I really and truly do like Taylor Wilde, even if I pick on her a lot for being a blond Canadian midget and for having an Amazon wishlist on which I would not be surprised to find a personal space ship, one day. The biker thing is kind of starting to wear thin and they need to reveal who she is, soon... or maybe there should be several bikers? Not sure. I'd like a coalition of bikers, personally, made up of people who have scores of various kinds to settle with Angelina Love and/or Vel Vel. That may be too difficult to pull off, though. I'd also like to see more Rosie Lottalove and Daffney, but I'll just settle, right now, for seeing anyone who isn't a part of the Beautiful People.

Other things I've seen tonight that I've enjoyed have included 1) Angle's four suplexes on Hernandez, 2) the, er... 'incident' during Anderson and Morgan's match and 3) AJ Styles hauling a good match out of Rob Terry's big, stiff butt and no muscles pulling themselves off Rob's bones and 4) Jeff Hardy vs. Samoa Joe in a Fly Boy vs. Fat Boy brawl that took it to the time limit. Shut up, Impact Zone, that was a some good wrestling you bunch of yabbos!

Although, Impact Zone, I do love how bloodthirsty you are. WWE would pay for a crowd that ferocious, man.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What is a real man? 2: Don't be weird and creepifying

I recently ran across this piece of eloquent smoothery on a (usually) intelligent and reasonable (heh) and well known message board for wrestling fans:

"i was quoted by the people who run (name remitted) website that it would cost me 250 dollars to buy a pair of her worn panties"

I'm honestly unsure what I find stranger: the fact that the question got asked in the first place, the fact that it got answered at all, or the exorbitant price quoted. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised at the question... the guys in question, after all, are a collection of ill informed wannabe cabin in the woods libertarians who believe that Ayn Rand is God (and Rorschach is her prophet). Um, actually, in a sad kind of way, I think I just described a massive segment of the internet. Considering that... well, it's gonna be hard to finish this post and I might have to go lie down for a while. Anyway, given that sort interacting with the girl in question and her "people" (who I'm pretty sure is her, her friend/webmistress and her cat, and who are all as crazy as all hell and, like all women anywhere near the public eye, good at humping a buck off of perverts), the communication doesn't surprise me that much at all. I think the bizarreness comes, to me, from the fact that a dude would ask the question in the first place.

(imagine this next part read by the wise, wonderful, late Isaac Hayes)

What kind of man, oh, what kind of man, expresses interest in used panties and not... the treasure beyond? You gotta lay that lady down, that fine foxy lady down, you gotta lay that fine foxy lady down and make sweet love down by the fire, oh, down by the fire. You gotta be strong and gentle, strong and gentle at the same time, gotta murmur sweet nothings while you lay down a bass line, be firm and gentle while you hold the football, yeah, hold the football tightly to you, so you don't fumble when you run down the field, mmm, hold the football tightly, gently, spank the football softly, lay that fine lady, fine foxy lady, down by the fire...

(okay, it's probably time to let Mr. Hayes get back to heaven or fighting Thetans or whatever it is he's doing)

Anyway, what I'm trying to say, I guess, is this: how daft do you have to be, how incapable of interacting with a woman do you have to be, to even consider this an appropriate question? If you want to be cool you don't, I repeat don't offer to buy a woman's laundry. Jesus tap-dancing Christ. If you want to waste money on a chick in the public eye (I've done it, believe me, I've dated a Miss Teen Georgia runner-up, and that kind of chick likes expensive dinners, baby) then you should, I don't know... buy her crap off of her little Amazon wish-list (especially if she reciprocates with hand written notes and personalized photos, or something, which seems sweet to me, although I have, as said, wasted enough money on beauty queens for the moment/lifetime!), and if you want to be slick and awesome and friendly you should promote whatever it is she does on your social networking site, or read and comment thoughtfully on her blog if she has one, or reply to her on twitter and pretend whatever ludicrous thing she is jabbering about is remotely interesting, or tell her that her pet pictures are cute... basically? Do most anything--anything--apart from offering to purchase her laundry basket. Women are people too, men of the internet (real men of genius!), and the best way to make friends is to... be friendly, as Dr. Sevrin would say. You know how to be friendly, don't you?

(Here's a hint: see the first entry under the heading "What is a real man?" for an example of how not to be friendly)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

WWE NXT 1: Percy Watson, OH YEAH!!!

Okay, I know that the crowd is probably supposed to be behind MVP and all, here, since he's an established face and Percy is just an upstart with unusual glasses and horrific yellow underpants, but they seem to be with me on this one. Percy is the man and gets a crowd reaction that some of WWE's main eventers should envy just by pointing towards the ceiling and shouting, "Oh yeah!" This man could be the next decade's Rock to Randy Orton's Stone Cold Steve Austin, and this should terrify us all.

Neo-Cody Rhodes is all kinds of shades of Simply Ravishing Rick Rude. A good wrestling heel is usually just a little bit homosexual, and Cody seems to bring that vibe in spades. He needs to top it all off with a big, manly mustache and a mat of chest hair, though, or the boy's just posing. Wait, what? I haven't said anything about Husky, you say? He's a fat boy with a chin-strap; I don't have much to say! Well, all kidding aside, Husky is a great, old school wrestling heel. He's built like he could legitimately hurt you, and hearkens back to the sleazy villains of the seventies and eighties in GCW and JCP.

Lucky Cannon is about as exciting as a naked wall. I'll have more to say about him when he engages in a feud with his worst enemy, the Loaded Barbell.

Eli Cottonwood... makes me vaguely uneasy. What? Don't judge me! My sister is afraid of Percy Watson. Eli is just a little bit to "cabin in the woods man love" for my comfort, and I like my wrestling heels to make me angry with their cheating ways, not make me feel like I need to look over my shoulder. Guy is big and strong and creepy and could go a long way... he just needs to gain about thirty or so pounds and name his finishing move 'the Deliverance Drop.'

Alex Riley is a good wrestler and has a great, fun loving personality. His type is sort of over-saturating the WWE right now--the Miz and Jack Swagger sort of have a lock on jocky, douche-bag heels--but maybe, just maybe, we could have a subversion in a jocky, slightly douchey face? Or maybe he should just go back to dating Veronica and flushing Archie's head in the toilet.

Kaval is easily the best wrestler out of the rookies this season, probably because he's nowhere near being a rookie. I was worried at first that his pairing with the incredibly adorable Simply Flawless might overshadow his simple bad-assery but their fun-loving persona seems to enhance his serious business. The guy also looks like the love-child of Krillin and Vegeta, and so must be supported.

Joe Hennig is a good wrestler, but hasn't done a whole lot to inspire me. Maybe it's the fact that we've got a glut of handsome second generation wrestlers in underpants right now or that awful fake name, but I just can't get behind the fellow right now. Maybe when he Brett and Ted and Maryse form the Fortunate Sons?

Monday, July 19, 2010

Women's Wrestling 5: I finally weigh in on the Nikki Roxx fiasco, a month late

I love TNA wrestling, and I respect its president, Dixie Carter. This is why I have decided to finally weigh in on the mess that came up with Nikki Roxx back at the Victory Road Pay Per View, when Nikki was informed that she would be on the losing end of a retirement match only minutes before competing.

This was low class, Dixie; this was bush league. This is the kind of shit that Vince McMahon and Johnny Ace come up with, not what I'd expect from a decent, Southern woman who runs a decent, Southern wrestling promotion. I have always respected you, Dixie, because you seem to really care about your workers, the backbone of your company. The schedule is light, the wellness policy is... well, it's nonexistent, but it doesn't have the same problems that the WWE Wellness policy does, all the same, and you don't force workers into situations which they are uncomfortable with, as a general rule. You let people develop their characters, you let them have room to breathe, and you don't force them to fit a single mold. This is why dropping Nikki, rumored to be because she wasn't "pretty" enough, is such a disgusting situation. For one thing, Nikki is a very physically attractive woman. She is athletic and symmetrical, and beyond that is an accomplished fitness competitor. Even further, Nikki seems--although I don't know her--to be a really kind and decent human being, beautiful inside and out, and she didn't deserve getting screwed like that, not by a company that she's sweated and literally bled for. This was low, Dixie; this was some low class, stinking, black, grainy, stomach cancer, sewer shit, Dixie, and it's beneath you. Beneath Vince and Bikini Johnny? Hell no! But beneath Dixie Carter? I think so, or at least I want to. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't like to think so--I hate being--wrong, but maybe I am.

Furthermore, Dixie, this was a terrible booking decision. The Knockouts are one of your best divisions--heck, in my opinion they are the best!--and Madison Rayne is a great little worker. No one could enjoy her match or appreciate her victory, though, with what had just happened to Nikki Roxx. Any human being with a grain of soul remaining, on seeing her face before the beginning of that match, just wanted to put his or her arms around Nikki, to tell her it was going to be all right. You can't get hyped up for a title match in that situation, not if you're a human being. Afterwards, that same human being with a lettuce shred of soul couldn't boo Madison with a clean spirit, excited and waiting for the heel to get her just desserts the next time around, because that human soul would just want to wipe the blood and tears off Nikki's face, to comfort her, to make her feel better. Maybe that's just a macho trip I'm on, by God, and I know I'm a little too protective of ladies maybe, like I was living in the age of chivalry or something, but I like to think that it's just basic human decency and wrestling booking 101. If people are so uncomfortable that they can't hate the heel more than they hate company management... well, there's no reason for them to watch, right? I used to say that I was going to be quits with TNA when you guys found a crappy reason to cut Daffney--I've been a fan of hers for a long time and her appearance was one of the reasons I started paying attention to the KOs in the first place--but even if you and she come to a parting of the ways, I've been impressed enough and become invested enough in TNA as an alternative to WWE that I'll stick around. However, this will only hold, with me and many others, until TNA stops being an alternative to WWE, on stage and behind it. Be the alternative, Dixie... work hard, treat your workers and your fans well, and we'll treat you and your company the same way!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

PPV Night 1: Money in the Bank with Sister

I am watching WWE's Money in the Bank PPV with my sister, tonight. Although I absolutely hate to give Vince McMahon any more of our hard earned money, especially when his company seems to be specifically dedicated to booking decisions that, oh, I don't know, piss me the hell off, watching Sister get excited for the people she likes has been fun. During Cody Rhodes' few little hope spots during the first match of the evening, the WWE Smackdown! Money in the Bank Ladder Match, I thought that her squealing was going to make my eardrums pop. I'm not entirely a fan of Cody Rhodes', although as a fellow former high school wrestler from the same state who competed in the same tournaments and probably against some of the same people I do have to give him some love,, but I just don't think that I'm in his target demographic, especially in his new gimmick as the "Dashing" Cody Rhodes. I did feel myself getting excited a little bit during the hope spot at the end for Christian and Matt Hardy, the two people still in WWE that I find myself marking for hardest (along with, I don't know, the rest of everybody else in every live crowd I've been in where the two wrestled), but it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that Vince and company weren't going to allow anybody who is his own man to go over company golden boys like Drew McIntyre (and his lisp and his diabetes) so I felt kind of silly after they both fell off the ladder. It was nice to see Kane win, though. Kane has been involved in so many freaking stupid angles--and I've been watching him for so long, that I can't feel bad for that at all, so in that I count the first MitB ladder match a success. The RAW Divas match wasn't awful, and so far Mysterio vs. Swagger has been good (especially the throw off the top rope by Swagger). The Wholesome, Adorable Canadian Children vs. the Wholesome, Adorable Samoan Children was also good, even if thought that David Hart Smith had suffered a concussion or broken his neck or something at one sort of scary moment.

More to come, probably, about the RAW Money in the Bank match, later.

RAW Money in the Bank ladder match wasn't bad, either. I went in terrified that Randy Orton would win and... really... do we really need Randy Orton as champion? Again? Really? Really? This constant quoting of the Miz's catch phrase is my way of honoring, I guess, our Money in the Bank winner... John Morrison! No, no, I'm kidding... our winner was... Little Spike Dudley? What the hell? He wasn't even in the match! No, no, no, our winner was the Miz. After an exciting math, with a hope spot by Evan Bourne that caused my sister to shriek so loudly that dogs a mile down the road started barking and a seven man team up against Mark Henry that make look like a beast, and a clever spot on the ladder with Maryse and Ted DiBiase, the Miz took the briefcase and was so happy that he actually cried. This was a beautiful moment, to me, and I was able to appreciate it almost as much as Layla, my little English Muffin, retaining her belt against Kelly Kelly.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Strength and deconditioning : The importance of a rest day

The most important thing you can do, if you're trying to get bigger, get strong, lose weight, whatever, is to exercise with great intensity every time you step into the gym or onto the track. By the time you finish you ought to be staggering, dripping and gasping, but not hurting... endorphins will keep you from hurting, and if you're truly hurting, you're doing it wrong.

Anyway, that's the most important thing: working out hard. The second most important thing is to take a rest day, when you need it. When one lifts weights, one causes micro-tears in the muscles affected by the movement you engage. If you never allow these tears to heal, then they'll continue to get bigger, making you weak and eventually causing an injury. If you give them a day or two to heal, however, they muscle fibers will knit together, a little bigger and tougher than before, and produce a world class physique! That feeling of soreness, common to beginners and those just returning the Iron Game, is called Direct Muscle Soreness. Serious strength athletes, like power lifters, face a more insidious problem called Deep Muscle Fatigue. DMF is a leaden feeling that pervades the body, emanating in waves from the core and making it impossible to move the limbs. When the symptoms of DMF are ignored, and you keep punishing your body, you'll end up blowing a lift and hurting yourself, or find yourself simply unable to get out of bed in the morning, since advanced DMF feels like a mild form of paralysis. I can remember one of my biggest limit squats, taken earlier this summer... I had been working out hard for two weeks with little rest, and knew that a limit squat was a bad plan. I was all hyped up, though, and there were a couple of cute girls over on the cardio machines watching, and that can make a man foolish. After barely beating my old PR, I staggered two steps back, got light headed, and fainted into my two spotters arms. I was just glad that I didn't get a nose bleed. I have seen that, during a max on squat or dead lift, and worse. For the next three days, I moved through life like something out of a zombie movie, sluggish and moaning for food. It was the worst!

I say all of this because today is a good day for rest, like Dr. Seuss used to talk about a great day for up. I've been exercising hard for a full week, and just need to rest. There are bruises all over my body... my neck is bruised from back squats, my chest from bench press, and there are huge, ugly, purple blotches on my shoulders from cross-grip front squats. The ever present scuff marks on my shins, from dead lifting, are raw and ready to bleed, and I have a huge, ugly abrasion on my stomach from a clean that I almost lost at the top without racking it completely. I look like I just lost a fight with a small, angry bear, and to prevent something bad from happening I took today off and am mostly sitting still, aggravating as that is to me. Resting can be as hard as working out, but it's just as important!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Culinary Arts 1: Curried Chicken

I absolutely love chicken curry, and can make it pretty well, using this here recipe. It tastes good and isn't bad for you at all. In this healthy conscious craze we're having now, what with Michelle Obama and Dr. Nancy on MSNBC and all that, I don't think anyone can say that's a bad thing, right?

INGREDIENTS

1 pound of cubed chicken breast
1 big can of tomato sauce
1 cup of plain yogurt
1 onion, chopped fine
1 tsp of garlic powder
1 tsp of fenugreek
1 tsp of tumeric
1 tsp of cinnamon
1 tsp of ginger
1 tsp of coriander
1 tsp of cardamon
1 tsp of garam masala
1 tsp of black pepper
1 tsp of salt
1 tbs of red curry powder
1 block of ghee or regular butter


Fry the chicken out nice and fast over high heat, and then set it aside. In a sauce pan, melt the ghee, and in another, toast your spices but don't let them burn. Nothing on earth smells or tastes worse than burnt spices, not even the freezer that had died for two weeks during a 100 degree heat wave that I had to clean out! Well, maybe that, but not much else. After the spices are nice and war, put them and the ghee together and saute for a while, until everything is cooked down together nice and gooey. Add the tomato sauce and yogurt, and stir them together. Allow everything to gel together into a nice, thick curry gravy, getting good and hot but not boiling. When it looks like it's about to boil but not quite, put the chicken in. Simmer for about ten minutes and then devour it. And believe me, this is so good that devour is definitely the right word! Best served over basmati or jasmine rice, alongside na'an and a few Indian vegetables. Chicken can be substituted with lamb, pork, shrimp, fish, blocks of tofu or chick peas. I guess you could use beef, too, but using beef in a dish eaten mostly by Hindus just feels wrong to me, somehow, even though I'm not a Hindu myself. Go figure.

Women's Wrestling 4: Blond Canadian Midget Brawl for All

TNA Impact continues to impress me with the quality of the Knockouts and their feuds. Although most of the division has been taken up, lately, with the Beautiful People wrangling over every piece of gold available to a woman in TNA, with a little bit of Tara, Nikki Roxx and Daffney mixed in for fun every once in a while, the feud that I've really been watching has been Taylor Wilde and Sarita.

Mexico City's Sarita is one of the better workers TNA has, male or female, and has been criminally underused lately (probably because she actually requires payment with a check that won't bounce). I love the way she moves, her crisp offense and her sheer intensity. When Sarita bears down after someone with those brown eyes flashing, she sells it so ferociously that you, the viewer, are even a little bit afraid. Add in the fact that Sarita is a solid promo woman and you've got a seriously dangerous package. Taylor Wilde, the first woman in TNA to pin the absolutely amazing Awesome Kong, is no slouch in the ring either. Although I pick on Taylor all the time (often calling her a blond Canadian midget, calling back a great comment of Daffney's on TNA Spin Cycle during their feud during summer 2009, or "an expensive little piece of pookie," due to her Amazon Wish List) there are none of TNA's current Knockouts that I'd rather watch wrestle, including Rosie Lottalove and Daffney. Although those two characters appeal to me more, Taylor's ring work is much better than Rosie's and a little crisper than Daffney's. Although she isn't much to write home about on the stick, she is miles beyond any of the Beautiful People, and her lack of TV time recently is a crime. Hopefully this feud will Sarita will help her to develop her character, get both of these extremely talented women some attention and garner them the pushes they so richly deserve.

The match itself was vicious and exciting. Each strike was stiffer than a board and I could see bruises being raised on Sarita's arms and Taylor's back. Maybe it wasn't the Dreamer/Sandman Singapore Cane match, but it was the rawest, most violent action I've seen between two women since Daffney and Taylor last summer, and miles beyond what WWE is giving us right now. Taylor sold the choke so well at the end, hanging there like she was dead, that I felt myself getting worried for a moment. It was easy to suspend disbelief there and to feel it, to feel that it was a real for a second, and I love that.